Everwood

Okay...I violated rule number one...the most sacred of rules when your fiance is gone. Granted, he's not gone, gone just living in the woods for 4 days. Anyway, I violated the rule. I watched Everwood which is a sappy show to say the least. What did it make me do? Cry...I'm such a wimp. I swear I never used to cry over missing someone. Then again, I bet that's a good sign. I hate being away from Patrick and I hate thinking of him out in the cold snow right now doing God knows what. I wonder if he's looking at the stars, if he can even see the stars and if he's thinking of me. Or if he's watching that snow fall and thinking about how much I love the snow. I'd give anything to be there with him, even in the cold, even in a sleeping bag on the ground, in the snowy winter.

It's funny how things change...and it's funny how they stay the same as well. In all of my uneventful ranting I think the bottom line is that I just miss him. I miss the smell of him...sometimes when he leaves I spend the next five minutes trying to find his smell on the pillows.

It's official...I'm pathetic.

Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars. Goodnight snow covered Patrick.

Movie Date with yours truly

I have decided that tomorrow...on top of baking cookies for Patrick, and writing thank you notes, I will take myself to a movie. There's a really nice movie theater that opened down the street and I've been dying to go but haven't been.  I shouldn't just have to wait for Pat to be around for me to treat myself. So, I'm going to go. I have no idea why this idea makes me feel so empowered but it does and I'm glad for it.

I'm baking chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies tomorrow, and lemon ricotta cookies to send to Patrick. He was so good to me during my surgery and at times I'll admit I got frustrated. I despise having to sit around and have people do things for me. Although, I think Patrick secretly loved that I let him help (only because I didn't have a choice). Sometimes I forget that it's okay to let other people help.

Is it okay sometimes to put your independent self on a shelf?